Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
