I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
