We won't sleep together?
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
