Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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