Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
