she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
