you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
