The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
