I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
