Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love you. Go after that dick
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
