yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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