Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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