we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
