the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
