my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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