There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
