I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
