PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
