I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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