So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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