She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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