Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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