It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
