We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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