What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
