Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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