Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
