Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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