rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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