I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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