I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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