he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
