new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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