We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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