I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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