She said her name was "party"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
