Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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