She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
