I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
ok first of all what the fuck
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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