I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
