The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
