Who wears a wallet chain?!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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