dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
