New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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