i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
