Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
