No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
