it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
