Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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