he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
pop tarts are not kleenex
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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