Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
