I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
