Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
