Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I party with great urgency now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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