so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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