Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
