someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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