Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
