Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
