Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Boobs speak an international language.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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